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- Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
- Unite against togetherness!
- Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
- If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
- No fear! (NAME) is here!
- I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
- Life's a bitch. Be its pimp
- I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
- A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
- Save a tree, eat a beaver
- By the time you read this, you've already read it
- Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
- Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times
- I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
- Dont steal, the government hates competition
- If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
- Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
- The higher you are, the farther you fall
- Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
- When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
- What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
- I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
- Not me, not now, maybe later...
- Life's a beach... Surf it up!
- Trying is the first step towards failure
- I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
- If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
- Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
- I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
- When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
- To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
- WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
- I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it
- I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
- Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
- Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
- Gravity always wins
- The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
- There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
- I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
- Buy land, they have quit making it!
- Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
- I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
- Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
- Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
- Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
- Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition
- What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
- Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
- Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
- Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
- If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
- I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun
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